The Poker Face: Emotional Control in the Fight Against Bullying

Most kids don't know that how they respond to being teased and bullied when it is actually happening is very important. It is natural for kids to show the embarrassment and anger on their faces. But it is important to try and control facial expressions because this is what bullies and mean kids want! They want to SEE it bother the victim! Once they see it bother the victim they will know it worked and are more likely to do it again and again to get the same payoff. So what to do?



This is how I describe the skill to kids:

Use the Poker Face! The term "poker face" came about from the card game poker. The term is used to describe how people in the poker game are supposed to make a bets with their money - they use a BLANK EXPRESSION on their faces when betting money (the poker face) so they don't let the other people in the game know if they have a good hand of cards or a bad hand of cards. See the following article for a good explanation of what we are talking about here:

 Psychological Habits of Successful Poker Players: Emotional Control

If someone has a happy face on they have a good hand of cards so the others in the game do not bet a lot of money because they don't want to lose it! If someone has an angry or sad face on they have a bad hand of cards so the others bet A LOT of money thinking they have a better one. Are you starting to get it? The secret to playing poker wisely is the "Poker Face." The secret to dealing with bullies and means kids wisely is the Poker Face!

How do you do it? Well by keeping an emotionless and expressionless face on while being teased and/or bullied sends the other kid the message that the teasing and/bullying "WILL NOT GET TO ME NO MATTER WHAT!"

This may prevent the bully or teaser from thinking the victim is a good target for bullying or teasing. This can work. Encourage kids to use it all the time even if they feel it does not help. For an example of a poker face click here; http://www.bullystoppers.com/Poker_Face.html

By Tom Letson

Tom Letson, MA LPC LCADC provides commentary on the issues of bullying, anger, substance abuse and more. Tom is a NJ Licensed Professional Counselor and Public School Anti-Bullying Specialist. He has spent 30 years working in schools, criminal justice and substance abuse settings. His private practice is located in Marlboro, NJ and he continues his 20+ years as a passionate high school football coach.