Bullystoppers.com is a free bully reporting service for students and schools. The concept was developed over the last eight years and is a result of my dealing directly with children in middle school who are being bullied but do not want to report it to their parents or adults in the school. There are several reasons why students are reluctant to report such problems: feeling inadequate in that they are not able to deal with the problem on their own; being seen by peers as a "rat" or "tattle-tail:; fearing the reporting will get the bully mad and the bullying will get worse; fearing being humiliated by being force to sit down and talk with the bully; fear their parents (especially their father for boys) will see them as weak or inadequate.
The concept of reporting on bullystoppers.com is to provide the school with just enough information to start an investigation. Names are not permitted on the reports to deter kids from making false reports for any reason. Many times in school, believe it or not, staff only needs to know a LOCATION where the bullying is happening and just the mere increase in staff presence in that area may be enough to deter the bullying - and no even will know a report was posted.
Bullystoppers.com does not inform schools that a report has been posted. The individual making the report must inform the school in some manner: leave a voice mail, send an email, leave a note in the staff member's mail slot at school. Or school staff who use Bullystoppers.com reporting at their school can check the site daily for posts.
The reports on Bullystoppers.com cannot be used by angry parents or students attempting to get back at the school for failing to do something they felt should have been done in any given situation. Any report accusing a school of negligence will be not be posted. Bullystoppers.com is meant to make a bridge between students experiencing problems and their school staff for help. It is meant to improve the situation, not make it worse.
Please feel free to email me with any quesitons you may have about Bullystoppers.com. Thanks!
Tom Letson MA LPC LCADC
Bullystoppers.com
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Sunday, June 3, 2007
The Key to Sustained Recovery
In counseling clients with alcohol and drug problems, I begin with a very simple challenge as the key to sustained recovery: Will you still be practicing the changes we implement now in a year from now when no one is looking over your shoulder, when it's just you and the mirror. Unfortunately, many fail.
The clients who succeed understand that recovery is not about talking a good game, it's about making changes that are not messed with - EVER. "Yeah, I'm not going to hang out with my drug buddies anymore" is very simple to say and 100 times more difficult to actually do. Those who are driven to succeed have no problem making this change. Those who have not suffered enough negative consequences from their alcohol or drug abuse usually go right back to their old habits as soon as counseling or probation is terminated.
Much of this has to do with failing to accept the reality of their problem, or in other words maintaining their denial over it. An individual is more accepting of the changes that need to be made once he or she has effectively dealt with the reality of their substance abuse problem. For a free online screening to help you or someone you know determine if alcohol or drugs is becoming a problem go to this url: www.drugscreening.org.
The results of such screenings are only the beginning. Don't forget: awareness is great, but awareness does not equal recovery. Awareness plus Action equals recovery. What are some actions? For starters:
Not associating with negative influences.
Refusing to be around your drug of choice at all times.
Becoming aware of your favorite denial and attacking it when it surfaces.
Learning about relapse triggers and avoiding them when possible.
Living a healthier life to reduce drug cravings: having healthy diet and exercising.
Associating with positive influences.
Learning about 12 Step meetings and using them to aid your recovery.
Knowing who to call and what to do if you feel like using or after you do use.
Change is not easy. What is your plan?
The clients who succeed understand that recovery is not about talking a good game, it's about making changes that are not messed with - EVER. "Yeah, I'm not going to hang out with my drug buddies anymore" is very simple to say and 100 times more difficult to actually do. Those who are driven to succeed have no problem making this change. Those who have not suffered enough negative consequences from their alcohol or drug abuse usually go right back to their old habits as soon as counseling or probation is terminated.
Much of this has to do with failing to accept the reality of their problem, or in other words maintaining their denial over it. An individual is more accepting of the changes that need to be made once he or she has effectively dealt with the reality of their substance abuse problem. For a free online screening to help you or someone you know determine if alcohol or drugs is becoming a problem go to this url: www.drugscreening.org.
The results of such screenings are only the beginning. Don't forget: awareness is great, but awareness does not equal recovery. Awareness plus Action equals recovery. What are some actions? For starters:
Not associating with negative influences.
Refusing to be around your drug of choice at all times.
Becoming aware of your favorite denial and attacking it when it surfaces.
Learning about relapse triggers and avoiding them when possible.
Living a healthier life to reduce drug cravings: having healthy diet and exercising.
Associating with positive influences.
Learning about 12 Step meetings and using them to aid your recovery.
Knowing who to call and what to do if you feel like using or after you do use.
Change is not easy. What is your plan?
Monday, May 28, 2007
Do Not Tolerate Bullying in Summer Camp
As summer vacation approaches and you arrange for your kids to go to summer camp, please beware! Improperly supervised campers are at a high risk for bullying. For a great synopsis on summer camp bullying, copy and paste following link into your browser for an article by Dr. Joel Haber, PhD.:
http://www.educationupdate.com/archives/2006/Feb/html/camps-raisingawareness.htm
Camp can be fun but lets face it: camp is generally very spread out and kids who are mean have more opportunity than at school to bully. Young campers are usually directly supervised by a Counselor who is a teenager. Teen Counselors may not be very invested in preventing bullying behaviors among their small group of campers and may even consider it as innocent teasing or "kids being kids."
Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Ask questions! Review the day when they get home and specifically ask how they like their counselor. If a problem occurs do not hesitate to contact the camp director. Use the Bullystoppers.com reporting tool to report camp bullying if necessary. Summer vacation should be fun - don't let bullying make it a nightmare for your child.
http://www.educationupdate.com/archives/2006/Feb/html/camps-raisingawareness.htm
Camp can be fun but lets face it: camp is generally very spread out and kids who are mean have more opportunity than at school to bully. Young campers are usually directly supervised by a Counselor who is a teenager. Teen Counselors may not be very invested in preventing bullying behaviors among their small group of campers and may even consider it as innocent teasing or "kids being kids."
Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Ask questions! Review the day when they get home and specifically ask how they like their counselor. If a problem occurs do not hesitate to contact the camp director. Use the Bullystoppers.com reporting tool to report camp bullying if necessary. Summer vacation should be fun - don't let bullying make it a nightmare for your child.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Should Governor Corzine Resign?
On April 12, 2007, NJ Governor Jon Corzine's SUV hit a guard rail at 90 plus MPH while in rout to a meeting between fired talk show host Don Imus and the Rutger's Women's Basketball Team. There are a number of problems that occurred as a result of this accident, listed as follows:
1. The Governor's driver was speeding in excess of 25 MPH over the speed limit, creating a dangerous situation not only for the occupants of the SUV, but other drivers on the road as well. The Governor was not in rout to address a state emergency or a crisis. He was trying to avoid being late for the start of a meeting in which he was not a participant in and that could have started without him.
2. The Governor was not wearing his seat belt. This resulted in very critical injuries including a multiple and compound fracture of his leg and breast bone and multiple rib fractures. The medical staff who treated his injuries stated he was lucky to be alive.
3. A law enforcment offical was quoted as saying Governor Corzine has refused to wear his seat belt in the past despite the attempts of his drivers to get him to do so. For the record his drivers are NJ State Troopers. Tom Shea, the Governor's own Cheif of Staff was quoted by several news sources as saying "Those of you who know Governor Corzine know he's not always amenable to suggestion."
Not always amenable to the suggestion? Certainly the seat belt law is controverial. Certainly many people take the position that the state may be going a bit too far with the seat belt law. Certainly, the Governor should resign. That's right, resign. As a counselor working with young people, I am very concerned about the Governor's hypocrisy and its ripple effect on New Jersey teens. If the Governor can make public his intentions not to adhere to this state law, why should any young New Jersey teen feel compeled to do different? Teens know that he was not citizen Corzine at the time of the offense. He was on the clock as Governor, in route to the meeting mentioned above.
It is hard enough for professionals and parents to help teens overcome the many irresponsible impulses characteristic of this developmental period. Why should a hypocritcal Governor make their job any tougher? He shouldn't. In this counselor's opinion, when the executive head of a state publically declares he does not follow a law, any law, that person should not hold office. It's a matter of principle. If this is not addressed in an effective manner, will future NJ governors be more likely to ignore laws they don't personally like as citizens?
1. The Governor's driver was speeding in excess of 25 MPH over the speed limit, creating a dangerous situation not only for the occupants of the SUV, but other drivers on the road as well. The Governor was not in rout to address a state emergency or a crisis. He was trying to avoid being late for the start of a meeting in which he was not a participant in and that could have started without him.
2. The Governor was not wearing his seat belt. This resulted in very critical injuries including a multiple and compound fracture of his leg and breast bone and multiple rib fractures. The medical staff who treated his injuries stated he was lucky to be alive.
3. A law enforcment offical was quoted as saying Governor Corzine has refused to wear his seat belt in the past despite the attempts of his drivers to get him to do so. For the record his drivers are NJ State Troopers. Tom Shea, the Governor's own Cheif of Staff was quoted by several news sources as saying "Those of you who know Governor Corzine know he's not always amenable to suggestion."
Not always amenable to the suggestion? Certainly the seat belt law is controverial. Certainly many people take the position that the state may be going a bit too far with the seat belt law. Certainly, the Governor should resign. That's right, resign. As a counselor working with young people, I am very concerned about the Governor's hypocrisy and its ripple effect on New Jersey teens. If the Governor can make public his intentions not to adhere to this state law, why should any young New Jersey teen feel compeled to do different? Teens know that he was not citizen Corzine at the time of the offense. He was on the clock as Governor, in route to the meeting mentioned above.
It is hard enough for professionals and parents to help teens overcome the many irresponsible impulses characteristic of this developmental period. Why should a hypocritcal Governor make their job any tougher? He shouldn't. In this counselor's opinion, when the executive head of a state publically declares he does not follow a law, any law, that person should not hold office. It's a matter of principle. If this is not addressed in an effective manner, will future NJ governors be more likely to ignore laws they don't personally like as citizens?
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Bullying Can Get You Fired - Ask Imus
The firing of Don Imus for his racist comment directed toward the Rutger's Women's Basketball Team has a lot to do about bullying. In the days following the national media attenion his comment created, Imus responded to a caller with the following statement (paraphrased) "It was stupid and insensitive and I don't know why I said it."
Of course everyone knew why he said it, right? Because he is a racist, pure and simple. That makes sense, doesn't it? Well, I for one don't know that to be a fact. In my opinion, what is really in a person's heart is only something that person knows as fact. What I can tell you is this:
Don Imus is a bully, pure and simple and his bullying is what got him fired, whether or not he is a racist.
Why? Because bullying is all about power, the power you have over others and how you choose to use that power. Don Imus gained a power advantage with his celebrity and he subsequently used his radio show as a forum to bully others. When someone becomes aware that he or she has a power advantage over others, that person, just like Imus, faces an important decision:
Do I use this imbalance of power to help or hurt others?
Imus did both, but just because you choose to help others sometimes does not make it right to use your power to bully others at any times. Imus became an empowered bully, which is the most dangerous type. He was empowered by his employers, who instead of imposing a graduated discipline procedure when his bullying first reared its ugly head, they turned their own heads because this big bully was making them big money. If a principal turns his head when a school board member's kid is a bully, that kid will become an empowered bully and walk the halls and torture kids like he owned the school. The airways turned out to be Imus' halls. So The Imus in the Morning show was permitted to develop a climate in which bullying, especially biased based bullying, was accepted.
It was while operating on automatic pilot during his show, a show whose climate accepted bullying others based on race, religion, gender, and more, which ultimately sealed Imus' fate. When he told that caller he did not know why he said it, I tend to believe him. He said it on he air because his show's climate cultivated such commets. He said it because he could. Like so many bullies in our schools today, Imus made those hurtful comments simply because he could - or at least up to that moment he could.
So this is the lesson for Imus and bullies like him: you can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't bully others and then try to wiggle out of consequences by telling others the good things you have done. That's like a school bully who has been suspended for intimdating kids to get their lunch money, and then tries to get a lesser sentance with this plea to the principal: "But I gave half of what I took to a kid who doesn't have any money to buy lunch, sir, so you see I really am a good person."
This is an important lesson for our kids: Bullies are not nice people. Bullies can do nice things, which is great, but nice people do not bully, period. Contrary to Don Imus' contention on his radio show, he is not a good person, at least in this counselor's opinion. He is a bully who also did some real good things. But that's not enough to evade the consequences of using your power to hurt others, whether by actions or words. Hopefully, Imus will see this consequence for what it is: a lesson on character that was long overdue. Maybe then he can start over and use his celebrity power to just help others, not hurt.
Of course everyone knew why he said it, right? Because he is a racist, pure and simple. That makes sense, doesn't it? Well, I for one don't know that to be a fact. In my opinion, what is really in a person's heart is only something that person knows as fact. What I can tell you is this:
Don Imus is a bully, pure and simple and his bullying is what got him fired, whether or not he is a racist.
Why? Because bullying is all about power, the power you have over others and how you choose to use that power. Don Imus gained a power advantage with his celebrity and he subsequently used his radio show as a forum to bully others. When someone becomes aware that he or she has a power advantage over others, that person, just like Imus, faces an important decision:
Do I use this imbalance of power to help or hurt others?
Imus did both, but just because you choose to help others sometimes does not make it right to use your power to bully others at any times. Imus became an empowered bully, which is the most dangerous type. He was empowered by his employers, who instead of imposing a graduated discipline procedure when his bullying first reared its ugly head, they turned their own heads because this big bully was making them big money. If a principal turns his head when a school board member's kid is a bully, that kid will become an empowered bully and walk the halls and torture kids like he owned the school. The airways turned out to be Imus' halls. So The Imus in the Morning show was permitted to develop a climate in which bullying, especially biased based bullying, was accepted.
It was while operating on automatic pilot during his show, a show whose climate accepted bullying others based on race, religion, gender, and more, which ultimately sealed Imus' fate. When he told that caller he did not know why he said it, I tend to believe him. He said it on he air because his show's climate cultivated such commets. He said it because he could. Like so many bullies in our schools today, Imus made those hurtful comments simply because he could - or at least up to that moment he could.
So this is the lesson for Imus and bullies like him: you can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't bully others and then try to wiggle out of consequences by telling others the good things you have done. That's like a school bully who has been suspended for intimdating kids to get their lunch money, and then tries to get a lesser sentance with this plea to the principal: "But I gave half of what I took to a kid who doesn't have any money to buy lunch, sir, so you see I really am a good person."
This is an important lesson for our kids: Bullies are not nice people. Bullies can do nice things, which is great, but nice people do not bully, period. Contrary to Don Imus' contention on his radio show, he is not a good person, at least in this counselor's opinion. He is a bully who also did some real good things. But that's not enough to evade the consequences of using your power to hurt others, whether by actions or words. Hopefully, Imus will see this consequence for what it is: a lesson on character that was long overdue. Maybe then he can start over and use his celebrity power to just help others, not hurt.
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