tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39510324437902526252024-02-19T10:54:13.920-08:00Tom Letson's 1st & 10 BlogLife's Xs & Os from a Therapist-Football CoachAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-78408547320583115032016-10-07T06:40:00.001-07:002016-10-07T10:36:20.315-07:00NFL Players and Emotional ControlIf you are a Giant fan you are most likely amazed by Odell Beckham, Jr's talent but very frustrated by his lack of discipline with his emotions. What does Mr. Beckham need to do? In the eyes of a football coach he really needs to start thinking like an offensive player and stop reacting like a defensive player. Simply put: Odell Beckham, Jr. thinks he can play wide receiver like he is middle linebacker. As a Defensive Coordinator on the high school level for 20+ years I can say this: <strong>he can't! </strong>To be successful at this game at any level, a player must adapt a mindset that is conducive to the side of the ball he is playing. Why? Simple. Defensive success depends on a player's quick reaction time to offensive advances as the play is unfolding; while offensive success depends on a player's mental discipline in controlling their emotions after the snap to insure the play is run as designed. In my self-help book, 4 Downs to Anger Control (Finish Line Press, 1999), this concept is described in the chapter "Thinking Offensively." This book uses the game of football as a metaphor to teach the reader easily remembered skills and new ways of approaching problems. By thinking offensively, the reader is encouraged to maintain mental discipline during stress and avoid the tendency to react spontaneously with reckless abandon to problem situations. This is a formula for emotional mastery but practice is the key: whether it involves a football player on the field like Odell Beckham Jr., or you taking on all your daily stressors each and everyday. To help master this thinking skill the following exercise is easy to remember during emotional times:<br />
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DON'T R.E.A.C.T. REMINDER<br />
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<strong>R</strong>educe</div>
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<strong>E</strong>motions</div>
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<strong>A</strong>nd</div>
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<strong>C</strong>oncentrate on</div>
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<strong>T</strong>hinking</div>
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Just as practice drills better prepare players for success during the game, the same holds true for practicing thinking skills. Make no mistake, players like Odell Beckham Jr. can benefit from using the Don't R.E.A.C.T. Reminder on and off the field AND so can you! <br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Downs-Anger-Control-Letson-L-P-C/dp/0966961803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264761911&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Click here to buy 4 Downs to Anger Control on Amazon.com</a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-56124263584736626502016-10-02T03:25:00.000-07:002016-10-02T03:25:47.474-07:00Put Quotes in Your Mental ToolboxFavorite quotes are mini power tools for success and I guarantee all successful individuals carry around a mental bag full of them. Motivational, inspirational, contemplative and reflective, the quotes you keep in your arsenal for life's challenges are critical to maintain your focus and persistence. One of my favorites is from Lou Holtz, former Notre Dame Head Football Coach: "Don't tell me how rocky the sea is, just bring the darn ship in." This direct, swift kick in the tail quote reminds me that regardless of how difficult life seems there is a job to be done and I need to get at it. You can always find an excuse not to do your best or to give up. This quote reminds me I have a choice and it motivates me to get moving if I want to be the best I can be despite obstacles. What's your motivating quote?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-37053729149116505712016-09-28T05:22:00.000-07:002016-09-28T05:59:52.497-07:00About Me<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">I'm presently the Student Assistance Coordinator at Middletown High School South in Middletown, NJ. I have worked in public schools in this capacity for the last 20 years. I am also a NJ Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC LCADC) with a private therapy practice in Morganville specializing in the treatment of substance abuse and anger management problems. My style is direct and motivational and is a result of my combined experiences as a therapist and high school football coach. I published the self-help book 4 Downs to Anger Control in 1999 which uses football as a metaphor to facilitate the teaching and retention of anger management skills to specialized populations. 4 Downs to Anger Control was the text selected by the Florida International University Football Team to use following the nationally televised fight with the University of Miami in 2006 as an educational tool. The book has also been purchased by NFL teams for player development programs and by the NJ Department of Corrections for inmate life skills education. My career focus has also been in the area of bullying prevention and intervention, and my website Bullystoppers.com has been operational since 2001. This site offers schools, students and parents a free reporting tool and plenty of advice and specialized skills for students. My football coaching experience has amassed 21 seasons as a Defensive Coordinator. My teams have been to 6 State Championship Games and we were fortunate to win 3 State Titles. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-66925451812530023272016-09-27T01:31:00.001-07:002016-09-27T01:31:19.750-07:00Drive on Your Problems in LifeChanging how you mentally approach an issue may be all you need to get started on a solution. In my therapy practice I often rely on my football coaching experience to motivate men who eat, drink and sleep the game. If you see life through a football face mask, then start living it that way and watch how things begin to fall into place! <br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGiMfST-1r4hKDTFx1bGSpAc4WpD7Cmx6RMa9X4F8bDkYjzdFWR43urc2O8Oi9LoNh0hn4BsWdyDtO0LCrupCo_JaHRdluQOfKjt83fejb-TnPOwA6KJum-YVepz9G4DzJSSZMZoFil8/s640/blogger-image--1664018087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGiMfST-1r4hKDTFx1bGSpAc4WpD7Cmx6RMa9X4F8bDkYjzdFWR43urc2O8Oi9LoNh0hn4BsWdyDtO0LCrupCo_JaHRdluQOfKjt83fejb-TnPOwA6KJum-YVepz9G4DzJSSZMZoFil8/s640/blogger-image--1664018087.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-67253136805751832492016-09-25T18:41:00.001-07:002016-09-25T18:41:41.397-07:00Not Sure if You Have a Problem? Your Life Hierarchy of Substance Use May Help <br />
Sometimes actually looking at how your life is prioritized on a piece of paper or a white board can help you understand the severity of your substance use. For example, let's look at a general life hierarchy of an individual how does not have an issue with substances:<br />
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1. Family<br />
2. Job<br />
3. Friends<br />
4. Health<br />
6. Hobbies<br />
7. Alcohol/Drug Use<br />
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The theory is that generally this list is set and it is rare that something lower on the list will trump something higher on the list. For example, this individual will generally not allow alcohol/drug use to interfere with family, job, friends, etc. The individual abusing substances, however, will find that alcohol/drug use begins to move up the list as it progresses and becomes more important in the individual's life. For example, the following is the Life Hierarchy of an individual suffering from a severe addiction:<br />
<br />
1. Job<br />
2. Alcohol/Drug Use<br />
3. Family<br />
4. Friends<br />
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Individuals suffering from addiction typically have their job and addiction switch back and forth from first and second position on the list depending on how bad their addiction becomes at any given time in their life. The visual of the list helps individuals denying the severity of their addiction come to understand that their use comes before their family at all costs. This is a very emotional conclusion and ideally this exercise should be discussed in a therapeutic setting with a therapist trained in addiction and the associated fragile emotions that accompany it. It is vitally important to understand that the list does not lie. An honest evaluation of your life's hierarchy can be vital in raising your bottom and getting on the road to recovery before suffering further consequences due to your use. THINK about it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-37481706754766145472016-09-13T18:56:00.001-07:002016-09-13T18:57:42.787-07:00The Wake Up TestSo you think you are serious about achieving your goal. You say you want it more than anything. Really? Well can you pass the wake up test? If your goal is not the first thing on your mind upon waking from sleep each morning then something is not right. Are you really serious? Can you be doing more? Think about it! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-40725582569834850382016-09-12T18:57:00.001-07:002016-09-12T18:57:28.820-07:00Targeting Your Addict VoiceI teach all of my clients dealing with addiction how to separate their addict voice from their voice of reason. The addict voice comes from the part of the brain that controls the automatic functions of the body: breathing, hungar, sex drive. The pursuit of pleasure is automatic and requires harnessing by the voice of reason which comes from the part of the brain that does the intellectual thinking and reasoning. This is nicely explained in The Small Book by Jack Trimpey. Once trained to recognize the addict voice in pursuit of pleasure at all costs, it's more likely to be defeated by the intellect. Try it! Attack that voice that is trying to convince you to keep using even though your life sucks because of your addiction. Hammer that voice into submission. The choice is yours! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-30405023792840156732016-09-05T18:00:00.002-07:002016-09-05T18:01:51.189-07:00What is Selective Ignoring When Dealing with a Bully?<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">Reporting bullying behavior is always a catch 22 for the victim. I'll address the importance of reporting and alternative ways of notifying adults in charge in a future post. Today I'll continue with a skill that can be used along with the A.W.A.R.E. Plan if a child wants to attempt to curb the bullying without reporting it to a teacher. </span></h3>
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8482153194697178309" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 497.778px;">
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">Before I give information on this topic, please understand it is very important to emphasize to kids and their friends to immediately report severe bullying to a school staff member and parents. Examples of severe bullying are threats of physical violence or being embarrassed/humiliated in public (example: students on the bus start chanting something inappropriate and the victim is humiliated). </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">To deter less severe forms of bullying it is very important to be aware of what a bully wants and then not give it to him or her! Bullies want to see their mean words or actions BOTHER YOU. They want to see the scared, shocked or angered look on your face. Students who are not aware of how important body language is in telling others what we are feeling inside are good targets for bullies. So this strategy is about how to ignore a bully's mean words or actions. Yes, there are different ways to ignore these mean words and actions and the common way is to ignore by pretending you do not hear the bully speaking to you. So there are two types of ignoring and here they are:</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;"> </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Total" Ignoring vs. "Selective Ignoring" </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">Totally ignoring someone is pretending you do not hear him while he is speaking to you. This strategy is common but never works. Why? The bully KNOWS the kid is purposely ignoring him because what he is saying or doing bothers him. So guess what? The bully is going to do it again and again and again – as long as the other child keeps pretending he cannot hear the bully! Try NEVER to totally ignore someone who is bullying or teasing you! (except when a kid is threatening to beat you up – if this is the case ignore his words and get to an adult immediately)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">What can you do instead? You use what is called Selective Ignoring. Selective Ignoring is ignoring the bully's hurtful words but NOT ignoring the fact he is talking to you (or pretending you cannot hear him). It is important to always look at someone who is talking to you. It may be uncomfortable because mean things are being said, but make eye contact with the bully so he knows you have heard him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">While looking at the bully it is important to acknowledge that you heard what was said and that you don't like it. NEVER insult the bully back! Why? Because bullies are good at making insults and they will not let you have the last word by insulting them. The will see this as a challenge and make the insults worse to make sure you will not say anything back.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">What can you say to a bully once you make eye contact? Here are some examples that are not insults and remember to stay calm and cool and speak in a normal tone of voice (not upset): </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why are you talking to me? - You can stop now." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why are you asking me that? - You can stop now." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"You can stop saying that." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why would you think that would bother me?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Sorry but you are wasting your time."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"I never thought you could say such mean things."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why do you say things like that?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"That was kind of funny at first but now it's not - please stop." </span><br />
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<br style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">It is important NOT to get into a back and forth discussion with a bully and to keep it brief. Use one of the above suggestions or one of your own and after saying it THEN totally ignore the bully if he keeps talking to you. </span><br />
<br style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">This strategy sends the bully a CLEAR message that his words and actions DO NOT bother you (even if they really do but don"t ever let the bully know this!). REMEMBER: no name calling or put-downs because this may challenge the bully and increase the insults. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">This strategy does not guarantee that the bully will stop. We hope that by not giving the bully the reaction he is looking for, he will soon do it less or stop completely because he may start to think "what's the point, this kid doesn't care what I say."</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-88954587797187254852015-11-30T07:07:00.003-08:002015-11-30T07:32:30.355-08:00How to Investigate a Vague Report of Facebook Bullying at Your School <table border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" style="width: 100%px;"><tbody>
<tr><td><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";">The following anonymous report of Facebook Bullying was reported yesterday on the Bullystoppers.com Website for Hogan Middle School. It was posted as it met all the criteria for a report to be posted on the site: </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><b>School Name and Address:</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><span style="background-color: white;">Hogan Middle, Kansas City, MO 64132</span> </span> </span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><b>USA State or Country:</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "times";">Missouri </span> </span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><b>Date of Report:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><span style="background-color: white;">11/29/15</span> </span> </span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><b>Grade of student (who is bullying) NO NAMES:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><span style="background-color: white;">6th or 7th</span> </span> </span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><b>What is happening? (be specific!) NO NAMES:</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><span style="background-color: white;">She Is Being Humiliated All Over Facebook And People Are Saying They Are Going To Come To Her House And Fight Her.</span> </span> </span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><span style="background-color: yellow;"><b>Where and when it is happening? (be specific!):</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><span style="background-color: white;">On Facebook</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";">Since no names are allowed, you may wonder how school staff can proceed to investigate this report to: 1. Discover if there is truth to it; and 2. Intervene to stop the abuse. Here are my suggestions having done this dozens of times:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";">1. If school staff has access to Facebook, complete some searches on students in your school to review any public Facebook pages that may contain evidence of the abuse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";">2. If school staff does not have access to or use a Facebook account to investigate such matters, staff should randomly select students whom they feel may want to provide information to staff to help stop the abuse of a peer. Such students exists at every school. Find them and always maintain their confidentiality. You just want the information, not their names. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";">3. If school staff is able to obtain credible evidence of the abuse and discover the identity of the victim, the victim should immediately be interviewed to collect facts regarding the abuse, assure effective and immediate staff intervention, and insure the student's safety. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times";">4. If credible evidence exists, staff should interview the students responsible for the abuse, have them delete any abusive Facebook posts if applicable, and impose appropriate consequences and a firm warning for any thoughts of retribution. Parents should be called and informed.</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "times";">5. If credible evidence does not exist but staff has reasonable suspicion regarding the identity of the abusers, these students should be interviewed individually and put on notice that if they are involved in the abuse it needs to stop as staff will be engaged in ongoing monitoring and surveillance. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
I should note that in NJ, school law permits schools to consequence students for bullying occurring over the internet 24-7. This may sound over the top to some, however, I have found that if staff invests the time (and it can be time consuming!) students begin to curb internet harassment. </td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-22629216511490494452015-11-21T06:41:00.002-08:002015-11-21T08:36:37.025-08:00A Different Way of Anonymous Bully Reporting<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
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<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 1.4;">Bullystoppers.com is a free bully reporting service for students and schools. The concept was developed as a result of my dealing directly with children in middle school who are being bullied but who do not want to report it to their parents or adults in the school. There are several reasons why students are reluctant to report such problems: feeling inadequate in that they are not able to deal with the problem on their own; being seen by peers as a "rat" or "tattle-tail:; fearing the reporting will get the bully mad and the bullying will get worse; fearing being humiliated by being force to sit down and talk with the bully; fear their parents (especially their father for boys) will see them as weak or inadequate.</span><span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 1.4;"> </span></h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click on this sign to print a larger copy for your school.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 1.4;">The concept of reporting on bullystoppers.com is to provide the school with just enough information to start an investigation. Names are not permitted on the reports to deter kids from making false reports for any reason. Many times in school, believe it or not, staff only needs to know a LOCATION where the bullying is happening and just the mere increase in staff presence in that area may be enough to deter the bullying - and no even will know a report was posted. The reports that are approved for posting have been screened to meet appropriate criteria. I personally screen all reports prior to approving them for posting.</span></div>
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Bullystoppers.com will inform schools that a report has been posted if they register with a confirmed school email address. School staff can also can check the site daily for posts that may referencing their respective school.<br />
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The reports on Bullystoppers.com cannot be used by angry parents or students attempting to get back at the school for failing to do something they felt should have been done in any given situation. Any report accusing a school of negligence will be not be posted. Bullystoppers.com is meant to make a bridge between students experiencing problems and their school staff for help. It is meant to improve the situation, not make it worse.<br />
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Please feel free to email me with any quesitons you may have about Bullystoppers.com. Thanks!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-50223871242372617222015-11-19T04:38:00.001-08:002015-11-20T02:35:33.740-08:00Like Father....Like Son - You're Kids are ALWAYS watching!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I recently tweeted out this classic commercial from 1967 to emphasize to parents the powerful influence they have on their kids lives has never changed. Take a moment to view this classic:</div>
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The modeling effect parents have on their kids may be even more powerful in today's world of social media, bullying and marijuana legalization. Working in a High School as an Anti-Bullying Specialist in NJ, I have certainly witnessed parents modeling poor behavior and low and behold, their kids are following suit. Not only are they modeling the poor behavior of parents, they feel justified in their actions and empowered because Mom and Dad feel the same way. I recently dealt with a situation in which a female high school student was upset that the boy she like started to date a friend of hers. She was angry at her friend because she told her friend she like this boy prior to them dating. In anger she posted a tweet on her feed in which she called her ex-friend a "whore" and to not trust her. This tweet received over 100 likes and over 40 retweets from other students in the school. When I addressed this situation and had the tweet taken down and consequences imposed, the mother of the student who published the tweet was indifferent and supported her child's actions. The mother made it clear to me that she told her daughter of her support and added the former friend "deserved what she got because she purposely stole the boy my daughter liked first." Really? It is not difficult to understand why her daughter posted this terrible tweet despite of being exposed to multiple school education programs regarding the appropriate use of social media and consequences for bullying. You have a powerful effect on your kids. The world needs better people. Raise one! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-59129196616696038942015-11-15T03:22:00.000-08:002015-11-15T03:24:25.283-08:00The Poker Face: Emotional Control in the Fight Against Bullying<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Most kids don't know that how they respond to being teased and bullied when it is actually happening is very important. It is natural for kids to show the embarrassment and anger on their faces. But it is important to try and control facial expressions because this is what bullies and mean kids want! They want to SEE it bother the victim! Once they see it bother the victim they will know it worked and are more likely to do it again and again to get the same payoff. So what to do?</span><br />
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<img src="http://bullystoppers.com/images/Poker_1.gif" /><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This is how I describe the skill to kids:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Use the Poker Face! The term "poker face" came about from the card game poker. The term is used to describe how people in the poker game are supposed to make a bets with their money - they use a BLANK EXPRESSION on their faces when betting money (the poker face) so they don't let the other people in the game know if they have a good hand of cards or a bad hand of cards. See the following article for a good explanation of what we are talking about here:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans" , sans-serif; line-height: 42px;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.pokernews.com/strategy/psychological-habits-successful-players-emotional-control-20841.htm">Psychological Habits of Successful Poker Players: Emotional Control</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">If someone has a happy face on they have a good hand of cards so the others in the game do not bet a lot of money because they don't want to lose it! If someone has an angry or sad face on they have a bad hand of cards so the others bet A LOT of money thinking they have a better one. Are you starting to get it? The secret to playing poker wisely is the "Poker Face." The secret to dealing with bullies and means kids wisely is the Poker Face!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">How do you do it? Well by keeping an emotionless and expressionless face on while being teased and/or bullied sends the other kid the message that the teasing and/bullying "WILL NOT GET TO ME NO MATTER WHAT!"</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This may prevent the bully or teaser from thinking the victim is a good target for bullying or teasing. This can work. Encourage kids to use it all the time even if they feel it does not help. For an example of a poker face click here; </span><a href="http://www.bullystoppers.com/Poker_Face.html" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1447585726783_3600" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #196ad4; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px;" target="_blank">http://www.bullystoppers.com/Poker_Face.html</a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">By Tom Letson</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><i>Tom Letson, MA LPC LCADC provides commentary on the issues of bullying, anger, substance abuse and more. Tom is a NJ Licensed Professional Counselor and Public School Anti-Bullying Specialist. He has spent 30 years working in schools, criminal justice and substance abuse settings. His private practice is located in Marlboro, NJ and he continues his 20+ years as a passionate high school football coach. </i></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-44995415019248899982015-11-10T04:48:00.000-08:002015-11-10T18:04:39.799-08:00What Happened at the University of Missouri?<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helveticaneue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">The following is an excerpt of an AP article on the present mess at the University of Missouri which resulted in the resignation of President Wolfe:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helveticaneue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><i>COLUMBIA, Mo. (AP) — The president of the University of Missouri system and the head of its flagship campus resigned Monday with the football team and others on campus in open revolt over what they saw as indifference to racial tensions at the school. </i></span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">President Tim Wolfe, a former business executive with no previous experience in academic leadership, took "full responsibility for the frustration" students expressed and said their complaints were "clear" and "real." </i><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">For months, black student groups had complained that Wolfe was unresponsive to racial slurs and other slights on the overwhelmingly white main campus of the state's four-college system. The complaints came to a head two days ago, when at least 30 black football players announced they would not play until the president left. A graduate student went on a weeklong hunger strike. </i></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helveticaneue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">To read the remainder of the article </span><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/university-missouri-protests-grow-athletes-jump-074405735.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">click here</a>.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">As the facts become more clear in the upcoming days and weeks I am sure one thing will remain crystal clear: regardless of the type of institution, pervasive issues that are allowed to continue ALWAYS come back to those in charge at the top. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">It surprises me that an academic institution would hire someone with a complete lack of experience in academic matters and expect that person, regardless of past business success, to have a thorough understanding of how fragile and critical the academic climate is to an institution. Make no mistake, this is more the fault of those hiring Mr. Wolfe in the first place as he was clearly inadequate as a Leader in an institution in which character matters just as much or more than money, or at least should. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">By Tom Letson</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><i>Tom Letson, MA LPC LCADC provides commentary on the issues of bullying, anger, substance abuse and more. Tom is a NJ Licensed Professional Counselor and Public School Anti-Bullying Specialist. He has spent 30 years working in schools, criminal justice and substance abuse settings. His private practice is located in Marlboro, NJ and he continues his 20+ years as a passionate high school football coach. </i></span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-35606001711926838602015-11-08T04:18:00.001-08:002015-11-08T04:42:23.640-08:00Safe Bully Reporting Method for Students<div class="mobile-photo">
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">I developed the anonymous reporting method found on Bullystoppers.com in 2001 due to the lack of existing forms of anonymous reporting available to students who were suffering from the hands of bullies at school. The use of names or initials in reports is not permitted for the following reasons:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">1. To help protect the identity of students making reports so the fear of reprisal from bullies is greatly reduced. This addresses the common concern that the bullying becomes worse once it is reported to the school because the bully becomes angry at the victim for causing him trouble. It should be noted that the primary reason bullying ever becomes worse after reporting it to schools is because school staff does not effectively follow up and monitor the situation. Frankly, the bully has to be in fear of a vigilant staff and subsequent severe consequences if the bullying occurs again.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">2. To increase Bystander reporting by addressing the pervasive and common belief among school age kids that telling is being a "tattletale" or "rat" and having this label is social taboo which kids will avoid at all costs. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">3. To help prevent false reports in which students attempt to get other students in trouble by putting names on anonymous reports. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">This type of reporting is based on </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><a href="http://www.popcenter.org/about/?p=situational" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px;">Situational Crime Prevention</a> and works by</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"> identifying "hot spots" for staff to </span><a href="http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_13.pdf" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">monitor</span></a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"> to </span><a href="http://bullystoppers.com/bullying_recidivism.html" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">deter bullying</span></a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"> with increase staff presence or to catch unsuspecting bullies in the act. Reports also give staff information to start investigating specific bullying situations. Check out the reporting page on Bullystoppers.com at: </span><span style="font-family: "verdana";"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">http://bullystoppers.com/report_it.html today and please utilize it if your child is being bullied at at school and you desire anonymous reporting. Please note all reports are reviewed personally by me and if names are used on any submitted reports they will be deleted and not posted. Please email me with questions at bullystoppers@yahoo.com.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-82350739681951969672015-11-03T19:48:00.001-08:002015-11-05T13:26:17.763-08:00Bystanders: Responsible to Stop Bullying?<div class="mobile-photo">
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The answer to the title of this Post is: No. Bystanders are not responsible to stop bullying. There seems to be a focus in the field lately that puts pressure on student bystanders to stand up to bullies for the victims and stop the abuse. I have news for anyone who doesn't work in a school: it's not that simple and easier said than done. Although bystanders can certainly be helpful in addressing the bullying they are not responsible for stopping it. They can certainly help, however, in the following ways which are less dangerous for them and more likely to be put into action:</div>
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1. Report the incident to school staff or a parent so a report can be made to the school.</div>
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2, Take note of other student bystanders witnessing the incident so school staff can interview multiple witnesses to assist in the investigation.</div>
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3. Create a distraction during the incident to interrupt the abuse, for example: "Watch out I think a teacher is coming."</div>
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4. Attempt to remove the victim from the situation without addressing the bully.</div>
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5. Encourage the victim to report the incident to school staff.</div>
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6. Following the incident make a point to be friendly to the victim in school possibly include them in social activities if desired and appropriate.</div>
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The firm promotion by school staff of a strong anti-bullying policy which includes swift and attention getting consequences for violators is always the best bullying prevention measure at least according to this author, who has been involved in bullying prevention in NJ Public Schools for 18 years.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-43088787865006069932015-11-02T06:53:00.001-08:002015-11-03T09:58:27.432-08:00Staff Invested in Bullying Prevention is the Best Prevention Strategy.<div class="mobile-photo">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNPhKfllNAdJ27XF7Av3FqVUAdQhd6Wm5jrMJGykL4E71FIFeIAV165LCtyyZiPw3UTN0A6F69EN2nBTW-9TAaOmAz_B02QKAIpbX-Ik9VBaqYeANcZYTMapD8sDiumOWBHhYC9E6Dzcw/s1600/Screenshot_2015-11-02-09-53-24-737168.png"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_6212567274007609794" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNPhKfllNAdJ27XF7Av3FqVUAdQhd6Wm5jrMJGykL4E71FIFeIAV165LCtyyZiPw3UTN0A6F69EN2nBTW-9TAaOmAz_B02QKAIpbX-Ik9VBaqYeANcZYTMapD8sDiumOWBHhYC9E6Dzcw/s320/Screenshot_2015-11-02-09-53-24-737168.png" /></a></div>
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Whether at a training or on Twitter I constantly remind school staff of their duty to protect the emotional well being of their students. It is extremely important to understand that as children grow older, so do their brains and they develop a keen awareness of their surroundings and who is or may be looking. So as kids mature more overt acts of bullying characteristic of younger ages transform to covert acts in an attempt not to get caught. School staff must be aware of this fact and look a little closer. If we start with the premise that no child wants to get in trouble by getting caught, we can train ourselves to take a closer look and intervene in a potential bullying situation before it becomes very damaging to the victim.<br />
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If you liked this post please leave a comment and share what you have read here with friends and colleagues. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-84821531946971783092015-11-01T18:55:00.000-08:002015-11-03T09:59:21.474-08:00Selective Ignoring When Dealing with Mean Kids and Bullies<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">Reporting bullying behavior is always a catch 22 for the victim. I'll address the importance of reporting and alternative ways of notifying adults in charge in a future post. Today I'll continue with a skill that can be used along with the A.W.A.R.E. Plan if a child wants to attempt to curb the bullying without reporting it to a teacher. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">Before I give information on this topic, please understand it is very important to emphasize to kids and their friends to immediately report severe bullying to a school staff member and parents. Examples of severe bullying are threats of physical violence or being embarrassed/humiliated in public (example: students on the bus start chanting something inappropriate and the victim is humiliated). </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">To deter less severe forms of bullying it is very important to be aware of what a bully wants and then not give it to him or her! Bullies want to see their mean words or actions BOTHER YOU. They want to see the scared, shocked or angered look on your face. Students who are not aware of how important body language is in telling others what we are feeling inside are good targets for bullies. So this strategy is about how to ignore a bully's mean words or actions. Yes, there are different ways to ignore these mean words and actions and the common way is to ignore by pretending you do not hear the bully speaking to you. So there are two types of ignoring and here they are:</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;"> </span><br />
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<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Total" Ignoring vs. "Selective Ignoring" </span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">Totally ignoring someone is pretending you do not hear him while he is speaking to you. This strategy is common but never works. Why? The bully KNOWS the kid is purposely ignoring him because what he is saying or doing bothers him. So guess what? The bully is going to do it again and again and again – as long as the other child keeps pretending he cannot hear the bully! Try NEVER to totally ignore someone who is bullying or teasing you! (except when a kid is threatening to beat you up – if this is the case ignore his words and get to an adult immediately)</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">What can you do instead? You use what is called Selective Ignoring. Selective Ignoring is ignoring the bully's hurtful words but NOT ignoring the fact he is talking to you (or pretending you cannot hear him). It is important to always look at someone who is talking to you. It may be uncomfortable because mean things are being said, but make eye contact with the bully so he knows you have heard him. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">While looking at the bully it is important to acknowledge that you heard what was said and that you don't like it. NEVER insult the bully back! Why? Because bullies are good at making insults and they will not let you have the last word by insulting them. The will see this as a challenge and make the insults worse to make sure you will not say anything back.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">What can you say to a bully once you make eye contact? Here are some examples that are not insults and remember to stay calm and cool and speak in a normal tone of voice (not upset): </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why are you talking to me? - You can stop now." </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why are you asking me that? - You can stop now." </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"You can stop saying that." </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why would you think that would bother me?" </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Sorry but you are wasting your time."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"I never thought you could say such mean things."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"Why do you say things like that?"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">"That was kind of funny at first but now it's not - please stop." </span><br />
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<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">It is important NOT to get into a back and forth discussion with a bully and to keep it brief. Use one of the above suggestions or one of your own and after saying it THEN totally ignore the bully if he keeps talking to you. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">This strategy sends the bully a CLEAR message that his words and actions DO NOT bother you (even if they really do but don"t ever let the bully know this!). REMEMBER: no name calling or put-downs because this may challenge the bully and increase the insults. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15.6px;">This strategy does not guarantee that the bully will stop. We hope that by not giving the bully the reaction he is looking for, he will soon do it less or stop completely because he may start to think "what's the point, this kid doesn't care what I say."</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-16622739661425482512014-02-09T00:27:00.002-08:002014-02-11T15:35:58.254-08:00$25 for life - A gift from a "Good Man" <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s a passion of mine to express to
others the mostly unrecognized actions of good men because I believe it’s these
actions that truly matter in life and compel us all to keep pressing on. Good men lead by example. Good men push
through the ups and downs of life without giving in or giving up, and resist
taking an easier path that may negatively impact their families or tarnish
their character. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My father, Thomas F. Letson, Jr. was as good a man as they come. He died in 2010 at the age of 81 and like most good men, I learned his powerful lessons through constructive example. The following story is one that keeps me pressing forward in my own life and I share it with others whenever the opportunity presents itself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Born two weeks before the Stock Market crash in 1929, he came
into this world at a time when everything was a struggle, and all a person had
as he grew up was his family, his friends and his word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking a man in the eye and offering your
word while sealing it with a handshake was considered a tangible form of
collateral in his day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you know
what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this day of deteriorating moral
conduct, with the daily news packed with the exploits of cheats and thieves, we
could use more good men, more men like my father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s be him for a minute to provide an
example. The year is 1968. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father, a
lifelong seaman, took out a sizable loan to purchase an 89' vessel to begin
the business of delivering grain to companies such as Frank Purdue on the
Chesapeake Bay. What happened to him during this time would put any man to the
test. With very little notice, the Coast Guard performed a spot inspection of
his vessel and it failed under their criteria which my father challenged.
Despite his protests the inspection results were final and the consequences
dire: the Coast Guard took ownership of the vessel and removed it from the
waterway. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With it they took my father’s
livelihood and left him with the desperation of having to provide for his five
children with no income while at the same time facing the remaining balance on
the loan for the vessel. This amount was over $20,000 in 1968. Think about it. His
creditor, caring little of his predicament, expected each month’s payment in
its original amount of hundreds of dollars, which my father was unable to pay.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what’s a man with five children and no job to do in such a dire situation?
Run out on his family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rob, cheat or
steal? What would you do? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me tell
you this good man from Sea Bright, NJ did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He went to see his creditors face to face and told them he could only
afford to pay them the amount of $25 per month on his outstanding loan. His
proposal, initially taken as jest was flatly denied. At this denial, my father
stood up, looked his creditors directly in the eyes and said the
following:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Listen to me. I have 5
children to provide for and one of them has special needs requiring special
doctors which are very costly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot
afford to pay you what you demand as it will put my children out in the
street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will pay you $25 each month
and I promise to you I will never miss it. You have my word.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father’s conviction persuaded the
creditor to put his word to the test and they allowed for the reduction. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This good man was true to his word. My father
paid that $25 per month, month after month, year after year, decade after
decade until that loan was paid in full.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Upon the loan’s discharge, he received a special commendation from the
Creditor, thanking him for being one of their most loyal and valued customers
by never missing a single loan payment of $25 and for keeping his word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This story about my Father has inspired me to figuratively paid my $25 as promised in all areas of my life. Just as my
father did I try not to miss a payment and live my life as a good man. It's people like my father that give me hope that the world can always be a better place regardless of how bad it may seem at any given time. If you have a story like this one tell it whenever possible to encourage others to live their lives in a similar fashion to make this world a better place!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-85879171482434987362010-02-07T14:48:00.000-08:002010-02-08T13:18:29.932-08:00Using Comeback LinesThe key to comeback lines is to remain COOL and AVOID the temptation to trade name calling or personal insults with the bully or teaser. A great comeback line is brief and to the point and leaves the bully or teaser feeling that they did not get to you! Don't forget to always look them in the eye and keep cool - anger is a sign to them that what they are doing is working. Try some of the following, however always remember: if another student is threatening physical violence toward you, don't say anything to him or her - do your best to get away from the situation and to where a teacher or other adult is located. Some examples:<br />
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"That's ridiculous - whatever." <br />
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"What you say really doesn't matter." <br />
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"Okay... Okay... Finished?" <br />
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"That's kind of funny, but enough already okay?" <br />
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"At it again?"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-81330809176216742582010-02-07T14:29:00.000-08:002010-02-08T13:18:50.478-08:00Use the Poker Face!Most kids don't know how to respond to a bullies words and actions and show the embarrassment and anger on their faces. This is what that bully wants. That's the pay-off. Once you show that reaction the bully feels that power over you and he's more likely to do it again and again to get the same reaction and feel the same power. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDSIYBiqc8m2Xod366TRBAx34PdCxzLLvxnya-3Rww_hLGWvh_6rtVDtwmTNMqlrt6wzJJa7qdKKLHXpqPJkmkGfJ1jtQkR3yTTGSlV7Cvto9bGS1d7QmUmyX_S0mvRPEXUs1hYD4eZH8/s1600-h/pokerface.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" kt="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDSIYBiqc8m2Xod366TRBAx34PdCxzLLvxnya-3Rww_hLGWvh_6rtVDtwmTNMqlrt6wzJJa7qdKKLHXpqPJkmkGfJ1jtQkR3yTTGSlV7Cvto9bGS1d7QmUmyX_S0mvRPEXUs1hYD4eZH8/s320/pokerface.gif" /></a></div><br />
How about not giving the bully what he wants? Use the Poker Face. The term "poker face" came about from the card game poker. The term is used to describe how people playing poker are supposed to make a bets - they use a blank expression on their faces when betting (the poker face) so others in the game cannot read the person's face to guess if that person has a good hand or bad hand of cards. If someone has a happy face they most likely have a good hand so the others in the game do not bet a lot of money. If someone has a frustrated face they most likely have a bad hand so the others bet A LOT of money. Are you starting to get it? <br />
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The secret to playing poker correctly is the "Poker Face." The secret to dealing with bullying and teasing is the Poker Face! How? Well by keeping an emotionless and expressionless face on while being bullied sends the other kid the message that the bullying "WILL NOT GET TO ME NO MATTER WHAT!" This prevents the bully from thinking you are a good target for bullying. This works but you have to use it consistently.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-17693800993518129272010-02-07T14:26:00.000-08:002014-03-06T02:55:34.833-08:00Effectively Ignore BullyingMany kids make the mistake of trying to completely ignore someone who is calling them names or making fun of you. Completely ignoring a bully is pretending you do not hear him while he is speaking to you. This strategy is common but never works and many parents unfortunately tell their kids to use this strategy. Why doesn't it work? The bully knows the you are purposely pretending you cannot hear him because what he is saying or doing bothers you. So what happens then? The bully is more likely to do it over and over as long asa you keep pretending you can't hear him. So what do you do?<br />
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<br />
Use selective ignoring. Respond to the bully's words with a short comeback line that is not an insult. Look him in the eye and say the line ("Who cares") and THEN and only then begin to completely ignore the his words. This sends the bully the message that his words or actions will not bother you(even if they do bother you, you still have to make him think it doesn't). Make sure the comeback is appropriate: no name calling or put-downs because this will challenge the bully and he will more likely continue the harassment. If at anytime a bully is threatening to beat you up do not use this strategy. Completely ingnore his challenge and report the threat to an adult.<br />
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Also remember to try your best not to immediately scream "Shut-up!" after a kid bullied you. As stated above this is exactly what the bullies want. So after you have asked a kid several times to stop harassing you and he doesn't stop, it’s time to be more assertive. Being assertive means sticking up for yourself and telling someone to stop doing whatever mean thing they are saying or doing to you. Being assertive DOES NOT mean being aggressive and starting a fight and screaming "shut-up!". Here are some examples of being assertive in these situations:<br />
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"I’ve given you enough chances to stop this. Stop now or I'll report it."<br />
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"You are not getting it – I said enough already."<br />
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"That was kind of funny at first but now it's not - please stop it."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-23029635047040340022010-02-06T13:16:00.000-08:002014-02-26T01:47:46.645-08:00Bully Prevention Plan<strong>The A.W.A.R.E Plan </strong>© Tom Letson 2001<br />
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This easily remembered 5 step strategy will help you remember how to deal with bullying if it occurs at school:<br />
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<strong>A :</strong> Avoid bullying situations when possible.<br />
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<strong>W :</strong> Walk & talk confidently at all times.<br />
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<strong>A : </strong>Assert myself and tell others to stop when necessary.<br />
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<strong>R : </strong>Report threats and bullying to school staff.<br />
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<strong>E : </strong>Enjoy school everyday because it's my right!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-53306829893318246442010-02-06T12:59:00.000-08:002014-02-26T01:48:10.317-08:00Ratting vs. ReportingA problem in all schools is that most kids are reluctant to tell their teachers about bullying because they don't want to be known as a "rat" or "tattle-tail." They may fear that other kids will begin to tease them because of telling or the kid they told on may become angry and begin to bully them. It is understandable that kids feel this way. <br />
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BUT...it is very important to remember that bullying is a very serious problem and <strong>in many cases it is a crime.</strong> Some kids are in physical danger from being bullied, some may hurt themselves due to the bullying, and still others may become violent and try to hurt the bully or others with their fists or weapons. So there is potential danger in not telling. <br />
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It is very important to remember that by telling you do not have to give your name. This is called an anonymous reporting. Bullystoppers.com is an example of anonymous reporting. But you can also make an anonymous report by writing the information down on a piece of paper and leaving it on your teacher's desk or mail slot in the office. <br />
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How to decide if you should report bullying: <br />
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Report it if a kid is being threatened by a bully. <br />
Report it if a kid is being embarrassed and humiliated in front of other kids. <br />
Report it if rumors are being spread about a kid. <br />
Report it if a kid is being bullied on Facebook, Myspace.com, AIM or by texting.<br />
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You also are <strong>NOT OBLIGATED TO TELL A BULLY OR ANY OTHER KID YOU REPORTED SOMETHING.</strong>As stated above many kids are concerned about reporting bullying because if others find out they "told" they will get bullied even more. Well: It's every student's RIGHT to inform staff of what is going on and it's every student's RIGHT to attend school without being bullied. What can you say to a kid who confronts you by saying "Why did you rat on me you tattle-tail?!" after a counselor or administrator has spoken to him about bullying you? You don't owe the bully or his friends any answers. Here’s several simple and effective responses: <br />
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"I have nothing to say to you."<br />
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"Stop talking to me." <br />
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"You are not worth my time."<br />
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Counselors and Administrators should NEVER tell the bully or his or her parents who provided staff with the information. Why? IT IS IRRELEVANT and they are not entitled to it. What is relevant is stopping the bullying.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-78638737764864715492010-02-06T12:51:00.000-08:002010-02-08T13:22:19.135-08:00Don't Be an Easy TargetBullies look for opportunities to get a laugh at another kid’s expense. They look for easy "targets." What’s an easy target? A kid who unknowingly puts himself or herself in a position to get bullied and teased by mean kids who do not care about what they do or how other kids feel. Example: A kid leaves his lunch on a table while he goes up to the lunch line to get a drink. When he gets back his lunch is gone and all the kids at the table are laughing. He made himself an easy target! If he had bought his drink BEFORE he put his lunch down on the table he would not have become an easy target. Think about it – ALWAYS be aware of who is around you and what may happen if you leave yourself open. Some bullying experts disagree with teaching children such common sense strategies for self care. These professionals think any focus at all on teaching a victim of bullying such skills is "legitimizing" the bullying and blaming the victim. I disagree. We teach our children how to take certain measures to prevent being victims of crime when they are by themselves in public settings. Just as we tell our children to stay in lighted areas if out after dark for their personal safety, why would we not do the same for a child under our care at school?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951032443790252625.post-27627023866536442692010-02-06T08:37:00.000-08:002014-02-20T02:11:28.835-08:00Avoiding Bullying at School - Yes or No? Teaching kids how to avoid bullying at school has become a very controversial subject. Many experts feel strongly that teaching kids to avoid bullying at any time is very wrong as it places the solution to the problem on the victim. I would certainly prefer that all children report the bullying for appropriate adult intervention. I also work in a school and understand that many kids will not report bullying and will continue to suffer in silence at the hands of mean children. So does that mean we don't reach out to them in some manner to help? I think it is my professional duty to teach kids all I can to equip them with the tools and information to help improve their day at school. <br />
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<strong>Bullying at lunch</strong><br />
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Move your seat. Ask a friend to move with you. If you are not allowed to change seats, ask an adult if you can change it. If they say no, tell your parents so they can talk to the person in charge to get your seat changed. Sit close to an adult monitoring the lunchroom. Kids who bully can't do it near an adult so sit as close to one as you can. Be the first one to enter the lunchroom and the first one to leave! Don’t waste time in the halls when going to lunch or when getting back to class after lunch. Wasting time only gives kids who bully more opportunity to bother you.<br />
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<strong>Bullying on the bus</strong><br />
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Sit near the front of the bus. Sitting close to the driver will make kids who bully think twice before doing it for fear of getting caught. Don’t stay silent. Unless you feel that another kid will physically attack you if you speak up, remaining completely silent while kids are harassing you will only give them reason to keep doing it. Try one of the following: Directly ask them to stop. Distract them by starting a different conversation that might interest them. Diffuse their attack by giving them some sign their words are harmless to you (“yeah, right!”) or try laughing along with them (even if you don’t think it’s funny). Sit with friends! There are strength in numbers. You are less likely to be singled out if you are sitting with others. <br />
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<strong>Bullying in the hallway</strong><br />
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Always be aware of who is ahead of you. If you see a bully ahead of you, DON’T pass him or her because this gives the person an opportunity to bother you. Take your time and slow down a little so they get farther ahead of you. Always be aware of who is behind you. Don’t allow a bully to stay behind you in the hall. They will most likely follow you until you have reached a part of the school with no teachers around so they can bother you without fear of being caught. If you notice a bully behind you, stop and let them pass. Stop in to say hello to a teacher or go to the office or the nurses station to say hello. Go a different way when possible. If your school has a first and second floor you may have a choice of taking more than one way to class. Choose the safest way because even if the safest one is the longest one, it is worth the longer walk to prevent giving a bully an opportunity to bother you.<br />
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<strong>Bullying with electronic devices </strong><br />
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Don’t respond to the IM, Email, Facebook or Myspace post or text message. Although it is very tempting to tell them off, it is not a good idea. This may actually cause more problems as the bully may take it as a challenge. Also remember that your posts can be used against you if they are harassing or threatening: be careful!<br />
Report harassing IMs or Posts to AIM, Facebook or Myspace. If someone is making fun of you or is threatening you on AIM, block their screenname. Prevent harassers from getting to your Facebook or Myspace page by deleting them as a friend or changing your page settings. Print out any threatening or harassing messages! You can’t prove it is happening if you do not print out the evidence. Show the printed out message to your parents and/or school staff.<br />
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<strong>Getting bullied by popular kids</strong><br />
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Don’t exchange insults with popular kids. This will only make them try harder to make you look bad in front of others. Try ignoring them when they are around other kids or agree with them to get them to stop: “You’re right, I’m a terrible basketball player.” Later when they are not around others, you can approach them to tell them to stop: “Hey, stop making fun of me in front of others, you wouldn’t like it if it was happening to you.” Don’t accept getting teased to fit in with the popular group! Some kids tolerate teasing to be accepted by a popular group of kids. If you are hoping they will stop teasing you as soon as they get to know you, it most likely will not happen. Don’t hesitate to report the bullying or harassment! Many popular kids are very concerned about remaining popular, not only among their classmates but among their teachers. Mention what is happening to a teacher or counselor you trust. An adult talking with a student in this situation may be enough to stop it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16252885416139907211noreply@blogger.com0